iOS · Private · On-device
FARTED
TRACK IT. RATE IT.
NEVER FORGET IT.
the diary nobody talks about
A fitness tracker, but for something everyone finds funny and nobody talks about. Log an entry in ten seconds. Watch the data build.
01 — The log
LOG IT IN TEN SECONDS
one tap, then done
One tap files an entry; the New Entry sheet opens, you rate the damage, you're done.
02 — The scales
RATE THE DAMAGE
four scales, no mercy
Four scales, no mercy: Loudness (Whisper → Trumpet), Duration, Stench (up to Hazmat), Relief. Add a location, auto-tagged from GPS and fully editable.
03 — The payoff
WATCH THE TRENDS
the running totals
The Stats tab is the payoff: daily/weekly/monthly counts, loudness and stench averages over time, frequency charts. Real color and personality, not a flat gray dashboard.
04 — The records
BUILD YOUR HALL OF FAME
records worth keeping
Personal records worth keeping: Silent But Deadliest, Longest Fart, Busiest Day, plus a map of your known spots ranked by frequency. Records stick around.
05 — The share card
MAKE IT GROUP-CHAT OFFICIAL
share it or keep it quiet
Auto-generated share cards in three styles — Minimal, Meme, Certificate of Achievement — each pulling a real stat and location from the entry ("I unleashed a 5/5 loudness in transit"). Standard share sheet or save as image. No feed, no followers.
Syncs via your iCloud
PRIVACY-FIRST, NOT FINE PRINT.
100% on-device. No account.
No ads. No subscription.
No third-party servers.
Optional iCloud sync through your own account.
Export to CSV or JSON anytime.
"Your business is your business."
NO OWL GUILTING YOU
No streaks, no badges, no push notifications. A joke you're in on, not a chore.